the moment when you get scoldings when they do something that is alright to them but not alright when u do it to them . haaishh , that sucks , isnt it ?

haishh , omg . my heart hurts more . 

im cant update everyday cuz im busy working already now . i cant sleep well , i got work tmr . 

my cough is real bad till it causes my throat and heart to be hurt soo bad . yaa allah ! tolong laaaa . baby just came and bought me medicine for coughs . appreciate that much hunny(":

now , i got this feeling stuck on my mind . the sucks feeling . damn it ! sometimes i dun wanna talk cuz it hurts . i dun wanna type it out , cuz im just lazy to think it back again . 

i just wanna go to the sea side and cool myself down . like seriously . 

maybe nxt week ? i wanna go ECP or changi . 

i dun wanna go waterfront cuz it makes not really much a difference for me .my heart really do hurts now . im gonna go for a smoke . i hate it with people give me attitude , but i'll ignore them . i just hate when YOU showed me ur freakingg attitude . i nvr tend to keep , butr thats me . like i said , let it just be me . dun youu . i wanna m.i.a . i cant take this anymore . seriously . i just wish haziq could see my future , see my intentions , see my sincereness . i need a break :"(

guilt ?

im havingg this feeling of uncertain . haaishh , i love him sooo much . but i cant really give whaat he wants makes me felt reaal sux . i know whaat i did was right . but , waait , right ? he's mad! at mt part , is right . but not as his :(( i jst dun waant that to happen . its nt that i dun trust him . buut , haaishh :(( i dun wanna lose him :( pleaase god . i wanna prove my mum wrong too .

i wanna take good care of him , pleaase :( i really do .

he's only who i got now . ive lost my friends . i dun wanna lose him :(

im sry i couldnt give what u want now . its just not the right time yet . pleaase .

someone needed

im feelingg a lil restless now . a lil worried . hard pain(susah hati-.-)lol. 

without knowingg why .

isit adeeq ? or isit ahziq ? ahziq's fine . yes i believed . my angels wont mistaken me .

 i guess for not revealingg the truth out .

ohh mann )): omg . yaa allah! kuaat kan laaa semangaat kuu ini!

  i dunnoe what am i thinkingg . im touch but more to sad to see ahziq cried yesterday .

"she taught me something that no one has ever done,even though theres some stubborn through it,but she patiently teach me. i realised that its not good to take advantaged of someone which they love you and you gave shits in return): how dissapointment rite?i bet thats what she feels afterall. "

This is what ahziq wrote . I hope ahziq got my message right .

sayangg , please remember 1 thing that i cann never be mad at youu eventhough i said i did .

cuz when i did , i realised that i actually cant be mad . that feeling of maddness in me for youu changed . theres pains , but i cant hate youu.

i just lovee youu too much kayy .

please mind me . im not actually teachingg youu . but i just what youu to realise what youu did was not liked by many . why i did  this is because in case any lady

were to come ? (: soo youu wont repeat the same old mistake(:

okaaaay sry! pleaase dun be mad . iloveyouu! ((:

im hurt to see that .

 omg , ahziq pleaase , i loveeyouu sooosoo much okaayy .

 i cant stand to leave youu alone too . im sry for doingg that .

 im not sad or disappointed for what you did to me okay . im not(":

cuz i know and i believe theres a reason behind it kann ?(":

 and , no one wants be treat anyone like shits, especially to their love ones . right? (:

i hope youu really take all these that happened as a learningg journey for youu . for us .

youu know i will never gonna leave youu nor to stopp lovingg youu .

the sincereness in youu cann be seen in ur eyes .

those sincere eyes in youu showed me , how sincere youu were for lovingg me and how bad youu dun wanna leave me . i know kaay . thanks for provingg me right again .

youu dun have to show me more , i only need ikhlasaan dari youu .

 but im sry to say that i cant have things to happen between us yet .

i have to sort things out with adeq dulu japp . denn we cann be as whaat u always wanted us to be . we got a loong way to go okaay sayangg .

please be patiene together with me . i need youu by my side still hunny . i just hope , i know youu could understand me , right ? (:

babylove ahziq , i love youu soosoomuch that nothingg cann really make my words empty .

i just hope youu wont give me and same-same sabaar kay dengan I . we will make it this time . but that time just havent give us the permission to do so .

ujian baby , ujian .

I taak pernah dann I taak boleyh pon marahkan youu kay sayangg . perasaan sayangg tuu daa conquer it all . whatever has done , lets have that as our love learningg journey(:

iloveyouu(:

;smileeeyLady

heeeeeeeeeeeeyyaw , im otp now wid babylove^^

heees , big girls dun cry^^

eeerrrrr .. im glad adeq had someone to love better . aaaaaaaaaaaaaand , babyboo .

I

LOVE

YOUU
♥♥♥

i dun wanna lose youu

mann blooggyy ;(((

i guess this is it . i woke up wid an angel beside me but angel didnt leave me any message for my daay . ohh mann , is this the moment of truth already ? has it begin already ? mann , be stroongg please qee ! he'll be strongg , if ure strongg . omg , seriously ;"((

its alright , we'll be back . i gotta let him be himself first . its alright . i'll praay for u , for us babyboy . im strtingg to solaat now((": i hope youu do too . i'll be lookingg forward for his big daay . ohh mann , i cant fight back these tears in my eyes . i seriously do need afiqah now . afiqaaaaaaaaaaah!! :"(((

im suuuuper afraid youu would do what youre afraid of me doingg it . youu told me not to leave youu , im not baby , im not . but now im the one who's freakingly afraid youu would be the one who's gonna leave me here all alone cuz since ive asked for a time break . omg , baby pleaase :"((

i just hope you'll keep ur promises strongg.

dun forget to consult a doctor tmr ;")

the moment where i gotta be suuper strongg . Baby , im ..

Sorry for trying.

Sorry for coming into your life.

Sorry for wanting to be with you.

Sorry for falling in love with you.

Sorry for saying I love you and meaning it.

Sorry for crying over you.

Sorry for wanting to be yours all over again.

Sorry for everything.

Iloveyouusoosooomuch till i just dunnoe how to express it all out to youu hunny:"(((

heyy blogger , he got his fwens . his fwens said that he's too good and faithful to me . lol(":

blogger , how i wish u could talk . god fated both of us not to be together . cuz theres someone better . im happy to hear that . and im also happy to know that his fwens are always there for him . accordingg to them , no matter how much ahziq cry , i wont come back . heyy blogger ! cuz im not worth his time , his love ! ((":

his fwens already has the thoughts where i cant take care of him . i knew that . its alright . i guess , god will jst show us . im not gonna leave ahziq , but im just gonna let him make his own decision . im sry ahziq , this time is real . im reaaally sry , but i couldnt take this anymore . they dunnoe why i leave for a moment . daa laaa , im just not for him , he needs someone who cann perfectly take good care of him((":

u just wont and cant feel how i felt . im just not for u . i cant give what u wanted .

im always bringingg youu down . im sry baby , please stop calling me anymore now .

dun even bother to text . cuz i really need my time for my own self now .
guess tonight will be our last night . im sry hunny , i cant take this anymore :"((

but not to worry still , i'll be back . we'll be back .

just takecare , remember ur promises .

and lastly , iloveyouusoosoomuch(":

I AM SORRY BABY , PLEASE FORGIVE ME :"((

i always wanted to do this with my babylove . ahziq .

but , im sry sayangg .

i guess i got to delaay this again .

i wanted to do this and give youu on ur ery special day with a bruno mars song , Rest of my life .

go check out that songg , cuz that is sincerely from me to youu .

love much , smileeyLady♥

bulan gelaap cuz youu didnt smile and be happy(':

time checked : 0529am

i wouldnt wanna make it obvious . i got a place where i cann really let everythingg out . which only here , my bloggy . not everyone will know . cuz ive just updatingg back . here goes my life story for todaay .

topic for todaay , CONFUSED .

im just confused . thats all . thats my feelinggs now .

 idk if im saad , wanna cry , wanna laugh be happy cuz i still got the hold on to him with just a lil finger instead of 2whole hands or even be maaad . Confused , thats it .

i didnt wanna forget abt u , deep down in my heart , i swear my intentions werent forgettingg abt u .

instead , this distance that ive asked is for us to see , realised and learn from whatever shits that happened in us .

when youu called , i know . ive realised that . but i just didnt wanna pick up .

cuz i want us to make use for this distance . i want youu to know and realise how hurtful it is to be all alone .

learningg how to appreciate . nvr leave yourself alone . hurtful isnt it ?

lets have our time . cuz i still see that u wanna be alone when u got ur fwens there .

its alright to be alone . but dun be alone often kaay . feel for those people who is worried about youu .

when ure not in the mood , u kept on thinkingg and stress urself up , ur fwens cant be happy seeingg u like that . so do i sayangg . we love youu . soo much infact dear .

i know every night it will hurt youu . so do i baby . it hurts me soo much . more denn u do . cuz its me who's lettingg youu to be alone , realisingg there . but i got no choice syangg . youu know i nvr wanna let u be alone . im alwaays forgivingg u and havingg u back after when u gave me all ur shits remember ? i nvr complain . or even scold youu or give u attitudes . cuz i know my baby is just stress there and need someone no matter how bad u say u wanna be alone .

yes , every night i swear i mmg nak text u . in the morningg too .

wakingg up without ur text is hurtful sayangg . but we got no choice now . i guess this is the only way for us to realise and learn .

 im still sleepingg in the same "environment" .

sleepingg with teddy who keeps me safe , a picture right beside me . thats fixed . we will be back kay , i promise . trust me kaay . but just not now . not till u show me somethingg , u get me back . cuz as u know , now its hard for me to trust empty words . youu just gotta show me somethingg , and get me to believe in u , like how u did last time .

for now i just want to youu keep ur first 6promises to me . thats the first step .

1st baby , be happy always .

2nd , be yourself .

3rd , have your proper meal .

4th , stay away from gudangg and araaak .

5th , jage diri baek2 .

 6th , let any lady to come in ur life if they were to exist in your life .

 cuz hunny , i wont take a while . but of course sayangg , i wouldnt want youu to go for other lady . i swear sayangg . i swear :(( im just sayingg that .

i wont leave youu , i swear . im holdingg on to youu with my only 1 lil finger . please dun let that finger loose . i lovee youu soooo soo much . i swear :((

promise me baby , not give up on me . keep holdingg on to me no matter how hard it is . please sayangg . i cant live without youu too . and im sincere about this . promise me that sayangg :"(

idunwannaloseyouu.com :'(

im sad . heyy blogger , im saaad :((
im back postingg again , after for soo longg . i guess my bloggy is the only place where i cann share everythingg out . but how greaat would it be if youu could taalk and help me out . im suuuper hurt plus disappointed . im freakingg saad , i swear . i couldnt breathe well . my heart hurts . im like havingg heart attack . omg . after what had happened recently , i barely could discribe my own feelings . omg , hold on! he called me! ahziq :"(( its hurt to hear his voice when i cant even have him . eventhough i choose to have my own way and time first for these moment , i still dun wanna lose him . but this is life where i gotta face . i need to be strongg and let him be strongg too . he may say he'll waait . but some parts of me is fear that he'll be wastingg his time waitingg . another half of me is sayingg he's not gonna wait that longg . mainly part of me says I DUN WANNA LOSE HIM! :"((
but i dun wanna lose my fwen too . i know adeq's gonna slowly change . so do haziq . i cant stand when haziq begg and keep begging upon me . thats saad . i dun want him to be kneelingg now on me , and beggingg me . thats touchingg but im sry , ure gonna make me cry . baby , i swear i cant live without youu too . youu know how afraid am i . youu know it all . as im typingg this , tears is rollingg down hunny . i just dunnoe how to show youu that i love youu and how grateful am i to have u in my arms . despite what had happened , despite whatever shits youu been givingg me . but a promise will always still be a promise .  i need a shoulder to cry on . i need sincere ears to hear me out about this . i need sincere advices . i dun have it all now .

im sincere am sorry haziq ,

 youu know i love youu , youu know i wont leave youu . youu know all my promises to youu . right ?

but im just too hurt . i need my own time .

 please give me space . learn how to live without me sayangg , cuz 1day i am gonna be gone .

i want youu to be happy . i dun want youu to have bad days anymore .

thats why im leavingg for now . i dun care what u did to me , its all past afterall . my history is repeatingg . u gotta understand that .

remember what i told u ? i wanna have u at the first place cuz i know and i believe that ure my man . ur the mann that my parent and me are lookingg for . youu were loyaal . youu were sincere and patience . but now , youu prove me wrongg ?

 i know thats not youu . u gotta get me back to our road back . please hunny , show me somethingg again for me to be back to youu . cuz its really suupe hard now . especially when it repeats .

 remember what i said ? i love youu like how a mummy loves a daddy .

 how afraid were ur dad to lose ur mum , is that afraid i am to lose youu . now that things happened the same waayy , idk .. please remember your 6 promises and i'll be back . but i wont still take a while .
cuz baby , i gotta see youu once again and made a huge decision for my future too .
i hope youu understand that crucial part of mine.
iloveyouusooosooomuchhubby.

; brokenhearted smileeyLady(':

im back



Ohh Maaann , My EyeBags are getting worse .
i cant even open my freakingg cute eyes :P



wow , time checked : 0556am



and im not yet asleep when im actually goingg out ltr . omg .

hmm , waited for this araab pig since i cant sleep . but didnt call me back .paitaw kingg .

haaaishh , i got ntg to do now .

its beeen freakingg longg eversince i post anythingg . lol .

before updatingg , i read my past post . LMFAO !!

 i realised how emo and how much i got carried away with "BOY"'s craaaps .

OMG . but now that i realised , whats boys and whats men . 051111 , ouuw , whar a cool date todaaay . i got loooot to post . but , omg . i need my rest :( okay2 , i'll spend a lil bit more time . juuust a lil jyeaa ^^

errrrm , lots of things happened in my life recently :( it was prefectly fine , but suddenly , WTH seyhh  :(

sometimes , i dunnoe what does guys wants . why cant they just tell the fckingg truth out ?

im not ur mum who's gonna scold the hell out of u . IDIOT ~

i realised that now theres no point of cryinggg .

peeeergi mampos ~ mak akuu lagy pentingg .

prasaan makbapak akuu lagy pentingg .

skgg baruu akuu sedaaar perasaan seorangg IBU! baruu ku sedari , seorangg ibu tetap sayaangg kepade anak2 nyerh!! ibu tidaak pernah jemu menjagaa anaknyaa . ibuu angkat sume taek anak sudaah bikin . ibu marahh keranaa ibu sayangg .

:'(( im tired , really exhausted . of tears . lol :') imaa strongg lady yaaw . smileeyLady , walaupon die attitude nann akuu kadangg2 . ive been wantingg to have my own book diary . but didnt get the chance yet to buy one . OMG , im tired . i dun wanna lose the ppl i love .





Naufal Danny Qaliish made me stayed up and wait for nothingg !! OMG !

soo lonely night :(

Time checked : 0619am , time orgg daa nak gy kerje , gy skolaa-.-" akuu baruu nak tdo .

Chapter #009 of 2011

Hhmm ..  My blog is kindaa emo . But i cant help it . Theres always ups and downs in life . If theres estatic , theres emo too . We cant predict our lives . Just happily goingg with the flow . If stressed or sad , we just gotta be stronger . <3

Chapter #008 of 2011

NEVER BE REPLACED

This song was made and dedicated by Mumin .

Well , supposely he was my fwen but idk nw . He seemed to take me seriously . I dun wanna hurt him .

I do love him too , but .. things has changed . Everything is so complicated now .

I just dont know what to do .

He cares for me , yes he do . Loves me , yes he do .

But still , i cnt predict things . No one cann in fact . I love him because he cares for me , so sweet and loving .

But sadly , i got a call yesterday night . morning in fact , at about 3am .

It was from Qamarul Arifin . He told me everything . He is sick , really sick .

Maybe for some , he's joking around . But sadly , its fucking true cuz i saw him coughing with blood :(

And the doctor says he has only 3years to live . As his lungs are really2 bad now . Jyeaa , he is a heavy smoker .

Plus , he is a drinker too :(

I wanna take care of him , i told him . And the first thought in his mind was , he thought i wanna patch upp wid him and be back wid him again . That was seriously not on my mind .

But after what he has said , looks like i gotta think like , more then thrice ??

I dont know now , i seriously dont . Should i give it another try ?

If i should , what about Mummin and Min denn ??

I dont wanna hurt them , please .

Life is so complicated now with my mum bringing back her old attitude towards me again . Omg seriously , life is like hell now for me . I cant go on like this . Come on , i cant .

This seriously , cant go on .

And plus im like , goinna take my GCE N-Level's this year . Its already a sad thing that i cant make it to the "O's"

He wants me to move on and see me smiling , but if i cant move on smiling , he wont allow and never let me go .

He promised , even if we cant be together back again , he promised to always be there for me no matter what happens . Through thick and thin , through whatever , he's there holding my hands ,

Eventhough i may have a life partner already :'(

Aww .. seriously , i havent had enuf of crying . He's just too soo sweet ! ;(

He never said these to me before . He nvr often be sweet towards me .

But after things happened , u cann see hw sweet is he nw :'(

How am i supposed to let it all out ?

I need a break , please :(

I dun wanna hurt anybody , seriously .

Deep down , i just love Qamarul Arifin . Nothing seem to change that , NOTHING .

I may be angry and do anything at Qamarul .

But nw i realised , i cant anymore .

He dun wanna be claaping 1 hand , so do i  :'(

chapter #007 o 2011

okayy , firstly im back to my own old life ! :DD

jyeaa ! im back to my single freedom life ! :))

i may look happy , but deep down im really2 very hurt . i couldnt take this anymore till it makes me wanna turn bi ! i wanna have a relationship wid the same sex . but of course i would wanna get married wid a HUSBAND . tsk-.-

yes , i broke off wid qamarul arifin . He needs to learn a lot more . He's not ready to have a relationship yet . So ive decided to let him go . Hhmm .. but life has to move on isnt it? :))

i had enough of cryings . haiz ..

speaking of crying , ive known this 1 guy named min . He's a singer . I do LOVED him . But im not sure for now cuz he's currently not happy wid me cuz i kept him waiting while i went to slacked .

He's actually 1 of my best male fwen , but actually im nt treating him like that ones .

 He's more in fact , but he doesnt seem to see that .

I dun wanna be making the first move already . cuz it hurts to make the first move , seriously . Sadly , he didnt wanna listen to me , understand me and trust me . I thought he would be there for me . He's the one who brought my happy life back to the fullest . But Omg , seriously , i had enough .

these are the reasons why i wanna turn BI ! cuz all guys are like , the same . omg , i seriously do had enough . Boys , you are taking my feelings and tears so lightly .

IhateYouGuys , i seriously do;(

P.S(for muhammad mumin) ;

I dun mind what you wanna do next , cuz i know im in wrong . Do what you think is best .

TakeCare and GoodBye love

Chapter #006 of 2011

Currently , time nw is 1155pm and im still nt sleeping when theres skwel tmr .

Okayy , im already tired nw . So im only goinna post a bit abt my life these few days .

While , last friday planned to go bugis but due of the shortage of the time , we went Novena only for strolling , window shopping . Denn went to the new hospital in Yishun which is not like a hospital . Denn yesterday , which is Saturday , planned again , to go bugis . Denn , wth , my family die die wann me to follow them balek kampong . Andd fck, i missed my chance of meeting my boyfie again . OMG , i really dunnoe hw many times ive paitaw-ed him already . Daamn it , im very sure he's mad nw . Andd as for adeqq , he doesnt seem to understand me . Soo yaa , say goodbye nw . He wanted me to change to much andd now there you go . We are no more closed fwens ? Jst class/skwelmates ? Aitez denn . Since this is wad u wanted , u cann have it .

Time checked ; 1239am !!

Im off to sleeep ~ byeees ! <3 ♥

Chapter #005 of 2011

Heyyaw !

currently got nothing much to post , as im watching titanic . hehe , you jump , i jumpe . aww .. hehe ~ ♥

jyeaa , indeed its romantic . Unfortunately , i couldnt n didnt celebrate valentine's day and i received nothing while the other couples got sumthings from their partners . aww .. ;(

But i dun care about all that , whats most is just that Qamarul Arifin and me will last till eternity . =DD

I dun care what people wanna say about him , about us . As long as he love me , cares for me , and appreciate me thats already fine . With all that stays , i will always love him no matter what . I dun care , i dun mind if we dont meet up every single day . i dun mind nt having valentine's day wid him . Because i know , not only on valentine's we cann be as sweet as others . =))

Will always love you bby♥

Chapter #004 of 2011

               SAYAAAAAAAAAANGG ♥ !

OMG , im soo fucking in love♥ ! hahah . I soo soo fucking love my boyf laaaaa :DD 

haahs , okayy2. im kindaa bored actually-.-

Boyfie is nw outside bz wid fwens , prfft . Im all alone again tonight . But nvm , still i gt to hear his voice jst nw n ltr(hoping so). OMGOMG , i swear im in looovee ! hahaha ! omg , tsk . miaang nyeeerrh . -.- YA ALLAH !

haaahs , okayy2 , wadever itis , i will still love you okayy , Qamarul Arifin. :)

Qamarul Arifin will be my last one ppl ! 

pssstpssst; i miss boyfie soo muuch ;(

Chapter #004 of 2011

6days past , and im yet to post a thing .

Hhmm .. well , ive gt ntg much to say actually . My life dis few days was alright . A bit of conflicts is still there .  Currently im attached wid Qamarul Arifin ♥ !

Ohh boyy , im soo soo in love wid him . Its already 1wk since we're together .

We went on, on 31 of January 2011 .

Andd damn , fucking shit !

No every month has the date of 31st . hahaha . 

But nvm .

 I promise to myself and also to him that we will last long andd i'll make him as my last one .

 I wanna show him that not all gerls are the same . 

I wanna change him . By looking at him , ppl's first impression of him is mat rep .

Like he is now .

But eventhough thats him , he is still in 1 of the secondary school , taking GCE O-Levels this year !

 It clearly shows that he cann be want he want if he word really hard . OMFG ! I soo soo in love wid him , I SWEAR !

Nvr came across a guy like him . Who's really so straight forward . But still , theres always sumthing bringing it down . Adeqq asked me dis question, " do u think he is for u ?"

omg, dis question is STUUCK ! is he really for me ?

I really think he cann change , he has his future . Guess i just have to think thousands times again ? Hhmm ..



WADEVER IT IS , I WILL ATILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AITEZ HUBBY . U WILL ALWAYS BE MY ONE AND ONLY , U WILL STAY BE MY LAST WANT ANDD I LOVE YOU TO THE MAX LIKE ALWAYS AITEZ . MUUACKZXC !

Chapter #003 of 2011

Damn its february nw . andd im nt updating my blog . gosh , i hate making promises or plans sumtimes . haiz .

Aitez2 , its feb nw , and its like another 7more days left ? yaayy ! heehs . cnt wait yaaaw .

But sadly , i have this strongg feeling tat says , my sweet 16 goinna be a bad one .

I dun wish tat to happen . Nvr . No one does anyway .

Currently am having sum prob wid mum . She soo like *toooot* ! Why cnt she jst understand the situation ? i told her my whereabouts , i told her my plans , i told her everything ! Yet ! She is still beingg soosoo fucking sarcastic wid me . WTH mother ? i dun wish to be a rude child . no one wans to be 1 .

 Guess all i have to do now , to avoid more unwanted things , i shall shut up and do my own things . Im goinna heck care wid u, mother . till u strt to show me ur care again . So dun blame me for anything anymore nw . Just wanted to be good when u gave me the advanced bdae present that i wanted all this while . Yes , im so thankfull for that . But see wad u've done . Haiz mother , i seriously dunnoe wad to say anymore . Hhmm ..

Every of my post will have a happy ending . I have to keep this feeling in me , myself again .
But nvm , im used to it already , eveyone is treating me the same . Mother and adeq . Say or do wadever u wanna say or do , cuz thats u . ure jst being urself . seating down , talking to u for few hrs still the same . no words or action seemed to change u . So its obvious thats who u are . No one cann change u . We'll jst have to hold on to the pain that NO ONE noes like we used to .

Im nt goinna post all this emotional things on facebook . Of course i wann adeq and mother to noe wad im feeling all this while . But i dun wann adeq to say tat im jst attracting attention andd im telling ppl tat im nt in a wrong by posting all those emotional post . Blogg has been my best partner to share problems wid . Eventhough u cant advise me but u helped me . In controlling my feelings . Eventhough its still deeply pain , at least theres some relieveness .

I hope my other fwens could help me upp again . Be a cheerful and active gerl like i always do . I used to say ntg cann bring me down . But nw i guess , u brought me real down till i lost my hope . And this is wan u call fwens ? u once asked me , scold me in front of the ppl .

Wad do u take me as ? Im nt ur dog or maid u noe . i do have feelings too . In fact every single thing in the world has their own feelings . I jst simply dunnoe wad to say anymore . Im jst too sad tat i have to lead my life like this . Why cant anybody really understand wad im feeling , wad im goinng through nw ?

I dun nid ur sympathy , but jst ur respect . thats wad HUMAN do . respect each another . Now , im always relaying on the things around me to cheer me upp . All i left that cann cheer me up is my classmates , sum skwelmates . Strongly from lala , afiqah n dearest bby Qamarul Arifin .

I've promise n swore to myself that i will treasure u , love u , and be wid u as far as i cann . I promise u that . I swear u that . Nvr wanna lose u . I will always love u no matter wad . Andd i'll show u that nt all gerls are the same bby . Loveyouualways Qamarul Arifin . ♥

U CANN COUNT ON ME LIKE 1 2 3 AND I'LL BE THERE :)

Chapter #002 of 2011

Theres ntg much actually for me to post this time . But ohh well , im bored soo might as well i'll jst post something . Hunns is busy watching movie . Min is bz wid sleeps . Everybody is bz . So left me alone bz updating my bloggy . ohh well , better denn ntg andd here it goes ..

Time checked : 0123am andd im still nt sleepy . Currently listening to Heyy Daddy-Usher . Jyeaa , freaking bored , haiz . Went ut wid famiy today . Was quite awesome eventhough in between theres sum cork-ups wid mum . tsk , standard . mulot mk akuu klaw daa kuaa manerh leyh diam klaw gy tmpt yng ramai org . gyle babi siaa . But overall , its awesome . Family bonding oi , saperh tk suke . ^^
Hhmm .. i nvr tot the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.Im currently kinda sad and confused . Hope my 2dear fwens could understand my situation now . But at the same time , i noe i'll hurt them really bad . Cuz they've put so much high hopes . Andd high hopes sumtimes is leading to harmness . I dun wanna be hurting people . Karmas , yes i do believe in that . But i jst dun wanna hurt them deeper .
Lies hurts deeper denn truths rite ? ;( 
Just hope they could understand . Im so touched by amirul's intention to bring me out to a high class place when theres a chance . He promised me that . Andd it'd been witnessed by Azrin.
He so wanted me to mark his words , keep his promise for him andd hold on to his words. :(
OMG , cann i cry ? urgh ! ;(

Min pula , wanna go out wid me too . On friday . Wanna watch movie together .
But were expecting me to be theirs . Amirul is a type of guy who has ntg but a nice kind , sincere heart . While min has a lil bit high standard denn amirul but still low from mine . Min has a very sincere n kind heart too . i seriously cann see they really do . But i jst cant have u guys yet .
As for Haikal , im always wid my promise . Somehow , i just feel like m.i.a-ing . But thinking twice , i'll be hurting the double . Soo , wads goinna happen , im goinna let it happen .
i cnt do anitink but to jst let it flow .
Its just too bad that every person cann only have a person in their heart . Andd thats the reason why we have only 1 heart .
 haiz , guess tats enuf for today . Im off to sleep ~

                                                           iloveyou , imissyou , sosooo muuuch cutesweetstuffy ! ♥
                                                                               no one but you bby, no matter wad. ♥

1 January 2011 #001

Today was a rest day for me at home . As im super tired andd lazy to go out . Nothing much happened today . Hhmm .. currently im have a conversation wid haikal cutesweetstuffy andd alfie .

 Andd yes yaw ! akuu jatoh cinta lagy .. lagy lagy kuu jatuh cintaaaa ! haha !

Im hoping he's really the one im looking for all this while .

Eventhough we're jst still fwens for now , yet he's so freking sweeeet ! hehe .

 No matter wad happen , he'll always stay wid me . He's sleeping after i sleeps .

Asked me if he should reply a girl's text . Andand , he's willing to wait for me sampai bile .

weeee ^^  sweeeet riteeeee ?? heeehs ~  jyeaa , i noe . heheh !

Nvr had a fwen like this .

I swear , if i had u , i'll be wid yaa n take good care of u forever . i swear my love .

Hhmm .. he seemed to be serious in his words andd he is in fact .  :) Hope i get to settle my other things faster andd may have a blast wid haikal cutesweetstuffy . ♥

P.S : bby , please trust me kay ? When i say i love you , means i really do love you . im different . im seriously not like other girls . u'll noe when u get to know me more . i mean very word i say . i dun wanna be hurt . So i promise andd i swear i wont hurt u either . Its okayy if u still cant or dun wanna trust me . Cuz i noe , i understand its really hard to you or even anyone to trust these words . But its okayy , take ur time kayy . All i want you to know is that im different from any others . So appreciate me yaa ? loveyouualwaysbby . no one but u. =)) ♥

                                             MUHD HAIKAL ♥
                                ILOVEYOU KAY ? :) ♥
                                                                                trust me bby.