Chapter #009 of 2011

Hhmm ..  My blog is kindaa emo . But i cant help it . Theres always ups and downs in life . If theres estatic , theres emo too . We cant predict our lives . Just happily goingg with the flow . If stressed or sad , we just gotta be stronger . <3

Chapter #008 of 2011

NEVER BE REPLACED

This song was made and dedicated by Mumin .

Well , supposely he was my fwen but idk nw . He seemed to take me seriously . I dun wanna hurt him .

I do love him too , but .. things has changed . Everything is so complicated now .

I just dont know what to do .

He cares for me , yes he do . Loves me , yes he do .

But still , i cnt predict things . No one cann in fact . I love him because he cares for me , so sweet and loving .

But sadly , i got a call yesterday night . morning in fact , at about 3am .

It was from Qamarul Arifin . He told me everything . He is sick , really sick .

Maybe for some , he's joking around . But sadly , its fucking true cuz i saw him coughing with blood :(

And the doctor says he has only 3years to live . As his lungs are really2 bad now . Jyeaa , he is a heavy smoker .

Plus , he is a drinker too :(

I wanna take care of him , i told him . And the first thought in his mind was , he thought i wanna patch upp wid him and be back wid him again . That was seriously not on my mind .

But after what he has said , looks like i gotta think like , more then thrice ??

I dont know now , i seriously dont . Should i give it another try ?

If i should , what about Mummin and Min denn ??

I dont wanna hurt them , please .

Life is so complicated now with my mum bringing back her old attitude towards me again . Omg seriously , life is like hell now for me . I cant go on like this . Come on , i cant .

This seriously , cant go on .

And plus im like , goinna take my GCE N-Level's this year . Its already a sad thing that i cant make it to the "O's"

He wants me to move on and see me smiling , but if i cant move on smiling , he wont allow and never let me go .

He promised , even if we cant be together back again , he promised to always be there for me no matter what happens . Through thick and thin , through whatever , he's there holding my hands ,

Eventhough i may have a life partner already :'(

Aww .. seriously , i havent had enuf of crying . He's just too soo sweet ! ;(

He never said these to me before . He nvr often be sweet towards me .

But after things happened , u cann see hw sweet is he nw :'(

How am i supposed to let it all out ?

I need a break , please :(

I dun wanna hurt anybody , seriously .

Deep down , i just love Qamarul Arifin . Nothing seem to change that , NOTHING .

I may be angry and do anything at Qamarul .

But nw i realised , i cant anymore .

He dun wanna be claaping 1 hand , so do i  :'(

chapter #007 o 2011

okayy , firstly im back to my own old life ! :DD

jyeaa ! im back to my single freedom life ! :))

i may look happy , but deep down im really2 very hurt . i couldnt take this anymore till it makes me wanna turn bi ! i wanna have a relationship wid the same sex . but of course i would wanna get married wid a HUSBAND . tsk-.-

yes , i broke off wid qamarul arifin . He needs to learn a lot more . He's not ready to have a relationship yet . So ive decided to let him go . Hhmm .. but life has to move on isnt it? :))

i had enough of cryings . haiz ..

speaking of crying , ive known this 1 guy named min . He's a singer . I do LOVED him . But im not sure for now cuz he's currently not happy wid me cuz i kept him waiting while i went to slacked .

He's actually 1 of my best male fwen , but actually im nt treating him like that ones .

 He's more in fact , but he doesnt seem to see that .

I dun wanna be making the first move already . cuz it hurts to make the first move , seriously . Sadly , he didnt wanna listen to me , understand me and trust me . I thought he would be there for me . He's the one who brought my happy life back to the fullest . But Omg , seriously , i had enough .

these are the reasons why i wanna turn BI ! cuz all guys are like , the same . omg , i seriously do had enough . Boys , you are taking my feelings and tears so lightly .

IhateYouGuys , i seriously do;(

P.S(for muhammad mumin) ;

I dun mind what you wanna do next , cuz i know im in wrong . Do what you think is best .

TakeCare and GoodBye love