Well heyy i cant sleep yet. Guess i shall kill my time to blog for a while. Maybe after this, i will sleep? And well, maybe not? lol , im just excited for tomorrow(': no wonder how much he say he's not coming on 8July, finally he is(': but, he's not well tonight. After cruising from early morning til in the evening. And after that, he went off to meet his friends too again. So maybe i guess, he's just not having enough rest. That's all. I know he's gonna be fine. I know that he is strong. I know he can fight those tiredness and illness in him. Hhmm, well apparently we recently had quite a huge fight. That almost lead us to the end of this relationship. Will, i certainly, don't wanna lose im. I will never wanted to. But, i was too disappointed and sad. I cried out loud that exact night. Nobody was with me. No one. On that night, everything was on me. He was quite harsh on me, so as zan. Look , i love haziq as much as i love myself and even zan. I prioritize both haziq and zan. I took care and love both more than i did to others. As ubby can see, zan took lots of advantage on me. And ubby asked me to ignore him. Even though i cant, even though i cared and loved him too much. Idk if ubby see what he was doing. I always wanted him to be by my side. I know i got to accept the fact that his friends come first then me. But, at the same time i'm quite jealous? I mean, i wanna treated like how i'm supposed to be. Maybe, i don't wanna go out with him and his friends anymore. It hurts. Yes, a lot. Every friend of his treats their gf well. Whatever she wants, she gets from him. Wherever she is, he's there. That's how his friends were. I mean, i dun asked to be treated well. I just wanna be treated right. What are boyfriends for? No i mean ... omg, no. idk. maybe im expecting too much? I DON'T KNOW !!!! MAYBE, I JUST DON'T WANNA CARE ABOUT ALL THIS ANYMORE ! I CAN SURVIVE FOR FREAKING 4HOURS ONLY IN TOWN. I CAN SURVIVE GOING ANYWHERE ALONE AND LOST MYSELF ALONE. I JUST ...... maybe dun wanna expect anything from him anymore. As long as he's happy, im fine with it. Maybe, if he wanna talk to other girls, like his female friends, i dun mind anymore. Well, thats whatmakes him happy. FRIENDS , made him happy. Not me. I'm just, his someone where theres no one, and here i am (': idk, omg . yaa allah yaa tuhan ku , berikan laa ku kekuatan, berikan laa ku petunjok ya allah. Ku, berserah.