I GOTTA FORCE MYSELF ! 

QEE, BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DO THIS ! I'M STRONG !

It's 3rd June 2012 tonight(': yeaa, it's my lil brother's 15th birthday and my 10mnthsary with hubby(': 
well everything is expected. Nahhh , i'm not disappointed or sad for anything. 
In fact, i am happy for everything , for what i still got now(': 
Thats the most important right. I don't need wishes from anyone. 
I just need us. The old us(': 
It's not that i'm giving up, nahh i'm not.
 But i'm like wishing for something that is impossible to happen yeaa :'p well, whatever
. I'm already used to be in kind of living anyways right (': 
well, #whatsnew:p I realised, with all this, actually helped me a lot. 
Taught me to be patient , 
Taught me that maybe giving up is sometimes isn't the way.
 But, less care, maybe is(': 
Soo i wouldn't have to hurt myself soo much like before.
 I've loved and cared too much.
 Thats why disappointments and heartbreaking happened(': 
People say, you wouldn't be hurt if you allow yourself too. 
Guess, i'm just gonna focus more on the ones who need me the most, maybe?
 Well, i'm not saying i don't care about the rest. 
I still do, but not as much anymore. 
Just , gonna still be there for you every single time. 
But the difference is just , you're maybe my second, third priority ?
 Cause you just don't seem to need it. 
I've hurt and put Atika down. Even on her birthday. 
Especially ending of last year and early this year. 
I'm just gonna always be there for Atika now, give her all my love and care.
 Cause i know, (': she deserves it and she will take me well. 
They say people change , but not Atika and me (': 
i just don't understand why people change.
 Is it me who change you ? Or is it your personal problems?
 If you do have problems, then what am i there for?
 I'm here with you cause i wanna help you up. 
Atika and me share every single problems we had. Thats why we didnt change.
 Cause we truly understand each other well. 
And i realised, i have only aika to count on. 
Haziq ?
 Of course i need him. I need him soo much . Every time and when. I needed him 24hours. But .. sighh(': forget it. I still got haziq with me. Alhamdulillah. I thank Allah for that . For making me strong and face all his tests(': 

I don't need wishes or texts . I don't need anyone to come and hug and tell me everything is gonna be alright. Nahhh , i don't. Cause why ? CAUSE HEY ! I SURVIVE MY FREAKING 17 YEARS WITHOUT ANY OF THOSE ! I just wanna see and make them happy , in my own hands. I wanna make them feel the worth of living. I wanna let them know, no matter how hard life they are facing, there is others who face it worse. And they manage to live like normal people. Example, Iqbal (': i'm ready for a stay home Sunday later(': Besides, i'm at home since our 7th Monthsary (': I know you're trinna not make me sad, cause actually you forgot. Well, you know you don't have to lie. Cause you wont still scold you. Cause hey , this is not the first time remember? (': I'm so used to it now baby^^ 

Happy 15th Birthday to my lil brother, and Happy 10monthsary to us ubby(': <3

No matter how many shits they give, i am always and forever loving them sincerely(':